Every person is sacred as a creation of God
By Michael Barrick
When I was a teenager in the early 1970s, the most influential person in my life was a man who is gay. Unfortunately, he was unable to be true to himself, for the organizations in which he had vital influence in my life – the high school Key Club, Explorer Scouts, and the Catholic Church – would have disqualified him from his leadership positions in each of these organizations had they learned he was “queer” (to repeat the mean and insulting word used to describe him and other LGBT people at the time).
Ellen Ball and Julia Rush of Hickory, N.C. advocate for the dignity of those in the LGBT community at a gathering in late May.
Photo courtesy of Ellen Ball.
He is anything but “queer.” In fact, the Webster’s definition of the word is, “strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint.” The only thing queer about him is that he demonstrated greater love to me than my own father did; he also was – and remains – the best listener I’ve ever known. He serves as a conscience, asking the right questions, offering gentle guidance when needed, but never judging the decisions I ultimately make. In short, some 40 years later, he remains one of my closest friends and a person I know that I can always confide in.
Of course, at the time we first came to be friends I did not know he was gay. I would not learn that for another 20 years, when finally determined to be true to himself, he “came out” to his family and friends. It was a tentative, incremental experience for him, for he was not sure how those who professed love for him would react. Rejection – whether expected or not – is very difficult to accept.
I will admit that at the time, I was not very kind to gay people. In fact, I had once subjected two friends who were gay to a video by the comedian Eddie Murphy that was highly vulgar and degraded gay people. I offended two of the people I loved the most without even realizing it. However, when my lifelong friend – who I met when he began his vocation as a priest in my parish in West Virginia – told me he was gay, I was confronted with some hard truths.
In short, my notions about gay people – and about what I interpreted the Bible to say about them – were simply blown away by the reality of the person standing before me. I had to repent and apologize. Thankfully, the nature of my friend – to be understanding and forgiving (just as his Christian faith requires of him) – preserved our friendship, even through those first 20 years when I would, without realizing it, hurt his feelings with an offhand remark that I thought was funny but that he found cruel. Of course, he was correct. My words were cruel. Indeed, the fact that he was able to overlook my behavior points to the power of Christ. My friend and mentor could easily have ended our friendship. Instead, he took the opportunity of this new revelation to strengthen our relationship as we began a dialogue about sexuality that continues still.
It is a shame it took 20 years for me to learn the truth. However, the consequences for my friend’s decision were as he anticipated – while he was now “free” in the sense of being true to himself, he was also free from employment and acceptance by people that he thought loved him. It was a high price to pay for being true to one’s self.
Sadly, little has changed during these past 20 years. From frightening and fiery sermons by preachers wanting to confine gay people to concentration camps and voters in various states prohibiting gay people from enjoying the same rights that the rest of us enjoy, it is clear that many in our communities still think those in the LGBT community are “queer.” It really is no different than calling a black person “nigger.” It is meant as a derogatory term purposely designed to dehumanize the person. With that accomplished, bullying is sanctioned. So, yet today, gay people have genuine reasons for being fearful.
This is especially true for teenagers. When I was a teacher at South Caldwell High School in Hudson, N.C., I chaired the school’s Human Relations Committee. Beyond any question, the most pressing problem was bullying of children who were gay – or perceived to be – by others within the student body. Unfortunately, this behavior was tolerated by the administration and at least one male guidance counselor in particular. In fact, in one instance, a student came back to my room in tears after a visit to the counselor, who had essentially ridiculed the student for daring to voice concerns about his safety. He was belittled and his concerns dismissed by the very person he should have been able to count upon for understanding. Sadly, peers were no more accepting. In fact, there were some students who were simply cruel and did act out on their prejudice by assaulting gays or those perceived to be in restrooms and other isolated areas on school grounds.
This ongoing reality has been expertly captured in the play “A Service for Jeremy Wong” by West Virginia playwright Dan Kehde. I saw the play performed in Charleston, W.Va. in March 2011 and spent several hours with Mr. Kehde, discussing the play and others he has written. While his plays are not always designed to entertain, they certainly always challenge conventional thinking. With a very raw realism, Kehde explores taboo topics such as sexuality. Indeed, his writing is so powerful that the actors, after the performances, are often in tears. After one such performance, I asked a young actor why he was so moved. He said simply, “Until I read the script and got up here to do this part, I didn’t realize how I was hurting my gay friends with my joking.”
The plot of the play, though fictional, could be right out of the news. Jeremy Wong, a 15-year-old student, is savagely beaten to death by two classmates. The play’s title comes from the question that the student council and entire student body struggle with – should they hold a memorial service for Jeremy? The students are torn. Old prejudices boil to the surface. Students begin to question the values they’ve been taught at home and at church. Some think that because he was gay, he is not entitled to a memorial. Others, after some serious soul searching, conclude that Jeremy deserves a memorial simply because every human life is sacred. Through a series of monologues by the characters, we are offered insight into the hearts and souls of teens, their parents, their teachers and the community struggling with the obvious contradiction present – their faith has taught them to love, yet a crime motivated by vicious hate is based in that same faith. At least one of the murderers justifies his crime in a jumbled set of beliefs that include his understanding of Christianity. Jeremy, in short, had it coming to him because he was queer.
Unbelievably, that mindset is still accepted. That is what makes the play so powerful and poignant – it is based in truth. That was made obvious by the emotional – and unexpected – reactions that the actors had in response to performing the play. It was also evident from the stunned silence that greets the closing curtain. Though moved to tears in many cases, the audience members are hesitant to applaud. That they have seen a great play and acting is unmistakable; yet, the sobering questions left unanswered as the curtain closes forces those in the audience to examine their own consciences, causing a strange silence until the cast appears. Rather than applause, quiet conversations are held across the theater as the actors mix with the audience. Emotionally exhausted, the audience and cast quietly shuffle out of the theater, undeniably questioning some long-held beliefs or grieving over the all-too-real plot.
For so many teenagers today, that story is their life plot as well. Far too many are struggling with their sexuality and with letting others know about it because they fear – understandably – that those who should love and accept them unconditionally will reject them upon learning that they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.
Such rejection can be devastating. To be rejected by one’s family, friends and faith is more than most people can withstand. It takes tremendous courage and fortitude to remain true to one’s self. It is essential to remember that all humans are made in the image of God and are therefore sacred. No person can rob another of their dignity without the second person’s consent. However, the person who determines that he or she has value as a creation of God has the upper hand. Once one realizes their value comes in Christ, not through another’s opinion or characterization of them, one cannot be robbed of dignity.
Once a person is secure in his or her own dignity, then a civil dialogue becomes much more likely. That is because, though emotions and feelings will be at the surface, the person who has accepted himself or herself as created by God will also be more able and willing to accept those who seek to condemn them for their “lifestyle choice.” In short, honesty and openness about the subject will go a long way to ensuring that dignity and God’s grace and love are present in the dialogue and relationships.
Many people will quote the Bible to condemn an individual who admits to being gay. However, that is not new. The Bible has been used for centuries to justify all sorts of beliefs that run contrary to the overall biblical narrative; in short, they take scripture out of context to bully those with whom they disagree. The only response to such behavior is to consider the overall message of the Bible – all people are made in the image of God and are therefore sacred.
It would be tempting to think that people who try to “save” somebody from being gay is being hateful. Sadly, in some cases that is true. Generally though, most people are simply ignorant. That is not meant as an insult. All that means is that those people don’t have enough facts. So, though it is going to be quite difficult, the gay person will need to reach out and acknowledge that some people just can’t deal with knowing somebody is gay – until they actually purposely associate with a person they know to be gay. Familiarity is the first step. We all know it is much harder to be cruel to someone we actually know and will likely see regularly. There are ways to reach loved ones without being mean or hateful, though it will require tremendous patience and creativity. Perhaps like Martin Luther King Jr. did in his “I Have a Dream” speech in 1963, one can simply hold up a Bible to their family, friends and church family and say, metaphorically (or sometimes directly), “This book commands us to love one another and not to judge. Let us use those two principles as a starting point for a discussion about sexuality.”
This is what my friend did. He knows I read the Bible regularly and, despite myself, I do my best to “do onto others as I would have them do onto me.” That is, live by the Golden Rule. His example is a model for all of us – gay or straight. Ideally, family and friends will respond with unconditional love and acceptance to the person who reveals that he or she is a member of the LGBT community. It is more likely, however, that a range of reactions will occur – from outright rejection to a slow, painful acceptance. That is why, like my friend, gay people, whether in high school or retired, need to set the example. Fair or not (and it’s not), the gay person is going to have to accept the responsibility of responding to both rejection and acceptance with the same spirit – love. After all, very few people like change. Hearing that one’s child is gay may be the biggest surprise of a parent’s life. Demonstrating that there is nothing “queer” about being gay through unconditional and continued love and patience to those reluctant to accept the truth will, eventually, win over most of the doubters. Still, the reality is that some people simply won’t accept the news. Again, though, the views of others are not how we should define ourselves.
This is the message I shared with my students when teaching in high school and at the community college level. It is also the message I’ve shared with our two children, now both approaching the age of 30. It is also the message I plan to teach our granddaughter as she grows up. Amazingly, even as I taught this fundamental message of human dignity, I was also trying to rob people of their dignity because of my prejudice against gay people. Yet, by God’s grace, a man was placed in my life 40 years ago that helped me reconcile the opposing views.
God will do the same through anyone who is willing. What a wonderful opportunity for a young person to influence a parent, teacher, elder or peer. It won’t be easy. And, it might take 20 years – or more. It is worth it though. Jesus has been calling upon his people to love and not judge for 2,000 years and hasn’t given up yet. Neither can we. Too much is at stake.
© Michael Barrick, 2012.
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